The unseen world is so fascinating to me. There is so much going on, so much more than our five senses can detect. It’s our sixth sense that really intrigues me, and when we can tap into and strengthen that, we heighten the ability of our other senses. It’s all about our energy management.
We need a constant flow of energy to survive, and there are natural ways we can get energy. Much like plants, we need the basics of sunlight, water and minerals from the earth. We get a lot of energy from the food we eat. We can develop some healthy habits, but we can also adapt a lot of unhealthy methods of getting energy, such as processed sugar, caffeine, and other chemicals. While it may help in a pinch, the problem with our “quick fix” is that it’s not sustainable. We start to crave and depend on them, to the detriment of gaining energy in healthy ways.
There are lots of healthy ways to replenish our energy. We can start eating natural, organic, unprocessed foods…lots of fruits and veggies, and drink lots of water. We can also spend more time in nature. Whether it’s a walk in the woods or along the ocean, hiking in the hills or a stroll through the park.
Other healthy ways to replenish energy are by participating in activities that you love. It could be a hobby, a sport, dancing, playing an instrument or listening to music. Gardening is a great way to get energy…digging in the dirt and connecting with the earth. There are also benefits from a movement called Earthing or Grounding, which is walking barefoot outside. Our modern day shoes block the Earth’s electrons from entering our bodies. These electrons are energizing, and have been found to have many health benefits, such as pain relief and stress reduction.
Meditation and prayer are also great ways to fill your energy tank. You don’t have to be religious or follow a specific technique or tradition. Just sit quietly. You can close your eyes or just relax your eyelids by gazing down. Focus on the breath flowing in and out of your nostrils. Take a few deep breaths and exhale. Count your blessings. On days it may be hard to feel gratitude, just be grateful for the breath coming in and out of your body…you’re alive!
Performing random acts of kindness gives us energy. It’s a paradox, but to give is to receive. And you can feel when someone is giving you energy…a kind word, a smile, or they are actively listening to you and holding space. By giving you attention, they are giving you energy.
We fall into many different dynamics and energy struggles within relationships. If we aren’t able to supply our own energy or learn to be self-sufficient, we will start to rely on others. There are times that we feel low and we depend on the helping hand of another; unforeseeable circumstances can deplete us. But by becoming conscious of our energy management, we are better able to fill our tank in a way that is sustainable and beneficial to ourselves and all the people in our lives.
The most helpful explanation of energy dynamics that I often refer to is from The Celestine Prophecy, by James Redfield. In it, there are four control dramas that are described to illustrate the ways in which we gain attention energy. We pull others into our drama and pull energy from them, establishing an energetic dynamic and strategy. We all have ways in which we manipulate another person, and they fall on a spectrum from aggressive to passive. They are as follows:
Intimidator – This is the most aggressive. It is gaining attention through verbal or physical threat. We raise our voices or become physical, trying to control another through force and fear tactics.
Interrogator – This is also aggressive, but a more subtle approach. We gain attention by questioning and probing in order to find something wrong with the other person. Then we will criticize the other person, undermining their confidence and making them feel self-conscious. If they get pulled into our drama, they will then pay attention to us for fear of judgment and to avoid further criticism.
Aloof – This is more passive. It is hiding our true thoughts and feelings. We become vague and mysterious. While we may think we are protecting ourselves, we are actually hoping that someone notices, becomes interested, and tries to figure out what’s going on with us, giving us attention. When they do get pulled into our drama, we remain vague and make it difficult for them, thereby getting even more attention.
Poor Me – This is the most passive strategy. This is the victim mentality, when we bemoan all the bad things that have happened to us, with an implication that someone else is to blame, or somehow responsible. We make the other feel guilty, like it’s all their fault, and play on their sympathy.
While we do exhibit all of these from time to time, we generally have one default control drama, and it’s formed in childhood. If you had a parent who ruled with an iron fist and was an intimidator, chances are that your default control drama was a poor me. But you could then go to school and be the class bully. As an adult, you could either remain a poor me, or you could become an intimidator. If you had a parent who was always questioning and criticizing your every move, you most likely fell into the control drama dynamic by becoming aloof.
When we aren’t managing our energy in an effective manner, and replenishing in healthy ways, we can unconsciously fall into manipulating others for energy. And they don’t even need to be major dramas. I can feel myself on subtle levels interacting in a way that feels competitive or like a tug-of-war.
One harmless sounding comment speaks volumes. I may be hurt or triggered by something someone says and my response is to be aloof, like it didn’t matter. Or when I feel someone start to threaten me, I find myself raising my voice back at them, and engaging in a battle.
Challenge for the week: Where are you getting your energy?
Think of the different ways you may be getting energy. Are they healthy or unhealthy? You can tell by how you feel. You may have a hit of energy, but then feel depleted and need more. Healthy methods are sustainable…they leave you feeling refreshed and energized.
Think of a conversation you may have had with someone recently…a family member, co-worker…something that may have left you feeling off, depleted, or just plain lousy. Can you name the dynamics? If we are truthful, we would realize that we are constantly manipulating other people. If it’s not us initiating it, it may be in a reactive response to someone else taking our energy…whether they are habitual energy vampires, or they may just be stressed out and not able to deal or cope with a situation.
If you can recognize when someone is pulling your attention energy, you can learn to disengage when it feels harmful. If it’s someone who is just going through something, give them some attention and send them love.
What we all really want is to be happy and feel good. When we can learn to manage our energy, it’s beneficial for everyone.
Have a great week!
Please feel free to leave any questions or comments below.